The Five Love Languages

One of the classes I was required to take as part of my undergraduate studies at Criswell College was called "Marriage and Family Dynamics." Though it wasn't my favorite class by any means, the discussions were always interesting, especially due to the mix of people. Some were married, some were not. Some had children, some did not. Some came from large families, and some from smaller ones.

One of our assignments was to choose a book dealing with marriage and/or the family and write a review of it. Probably because it was considerably shorter than others, I chose Dr. Gary Chapman's bestseller The Five Love Languages.

In this book, he explains that we as human beings have a love language; we each have a way that we like to receive love. He believes that most of these ways fall under one of five categories:

1. Words of Affirmation

2. Acts of Service

3. Receiving Gifts

4. Quality Time

5. Physical Touch

If you take just a second, I'm sure you can identify what your love language(s) is/are.

But the book is more than informational, it is also instructional. The purpose of the book is to encourage married couples to understand their spouse's love language and to begin loving them in that specific way.

Well as an unwed college student, the concept didn't make much sense to me. I thought, "Hey, I will express love to my wife the way I want to." In fact, here is an actual quote from my paper, written over five years ago: “Though a man should want his wife to love him the way he desires to be loved, he should also desire to be shown love the way his wife knows how to express it. Instead of adapting the way you show love, why not adapt the way you receive it?”

Even though I still understand the point I was making, I have no problem in saying, “Boy was I wrong!” I have now been married for just over three years, and I can tell you what a difference it makes when I express love according to my wife's love language and receive it according to mine. I feel so strongly about this that I include it in the pre-marital counseling I do with engaged couples.

So whether you've been married for 5 years or 50 years, or even if you are newly wed, I encourage you to discover your spouse's love language. I truly believe it can save a failing marriage, and it can take a great marriage and make it even better.

Welcome to the Majors!

I recently attended a Frisco Rough Riders baseball game with my wife, my brother, and his girlfriend. If you aren't familiar with them, the Rough Riders are the AA affiliate of Major League Baseball's Texas Rangers.

Most of the players on the AA team are in their lower to mid-twenties. They were drafted anywhere from 2 to 5 years ago and have made their way past low-A and high-A ball. Their next goal is to be promoted to AAA, and eventually be called up to the majors. This is the way Major League Baseball farm systems work.

Attending that game got me thinking about this concept of different levels within an organization. It seems that this is how the business world works as well; you usually start out as the low man/woman on the totem pole and eventually work your way up to where you want to be.

Since this is the way most of the world works, I wonder if this is the way people view the church...

Just like there are roles to fill in a business or positions to play on a baseball team, there are many jobs to be done in any local church. Of course there are those who preach and teach and lead music, but it takes more than that.

There are tons of people behind the scenes:

·      Those who unlock the doors and turn on the lights before you show up

·      Those who sit in the back and operate the sound system

·      Those who pass out bulletins and take up the offering

·      Those who bake meals and take them to the home-bound

·      Those who hold babies in the nursery

·      And the list could go on and on

But don't misunderstand...The goal in church ministry is not to start at the bottom and work your way up. Manning the back door and shaking hands is not the minors, and preaching is not the pros. Some are called to preach, some to teach, some to visit hospitals, some to give, and some to pray, but the bottom line is that any type of ministry is major, so if you are in ministry, "Welcome to the majors!"

Every role in the church is important. Every role is vital to the goal of spreading the gospel and sharing the love of God. So don't worry about what your job is. That really isn't up to you anyway; that's left up to the Holy Spirit and the gifts He gives you.

Instead, just make sure that you're doing your job! Because guess what? If you aren't doing it, one of two things is true: It's either not getting done or someone else is having to do their job AND YOURS.

Consider what Peter wrote in 1 Ptr. 4:10, "Based on the gift each one has received, use it to serve others, as good managers of the varied grace of God." The only reason we possess spiritual gifts is because of God’s grace. And these gifts are not a privilege, they are a responsibility. We have to be faithful with what the Lord has given us.

So again, don't worry about your role being important or unimportant. If you are using your gift(s) to serve others (and therefore God) through your local church, then what you are doing IS important!

And hey, you never know. Someday God may call you to do something different; He may gift you and equip you in other ways. But don't consider that change a step up or down, just think of it as changing positions. Even professional baseball players sometimes do that at different stages of their career.